“Tierra, why don’t you date?” Ah, the age-old question. I know it’s confusing. I’m not ugly by any means; plenty of men would love to have me, blah, blah, blah. Then, between the hair, the clothes and the overall edginess, I anticipate—and don’t even get upset by—the follow-up question, “Are you gay?”
Instead of cussing out the person on the other end of the conversation, I just calmly say this, “No…I’m just not a conformist.” Why don’t I date? Cause I don’t have to. Why don’t I have kids, why am I not married, why don’t I work a traditional 9-5? Again, because I don’t have to. I choose not to conform. I choose to determine which side of the statistics I’m on.
99% of the population doesn’t even understand what it means to be in relationship so why would I waste my time? I’m not trying to add to the 72% of Black women raising children by themselves so why would I have children, and why would I do it outside of marriage? That makes no sense. My motto is, “If it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t work.” I’m a realist. Beyond that, I understand how to handle things that are within my control.
While we can’t control everything, we should at least do a good job controlling what we can. I didn’t create time, but I can control what I do with mine. I didn’t create the single-parent epidemic but I can choose not to become a part of it. I’m not the force behind 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce, but I can control whether I opt into that mess. This isn’t a forum I’m using to toot my own horn, it’s a wakeup call for you. You have the same control.
Much of where you find yourself in life is a direct result of the actions you’ve taken (or refused to take). Don’t let people/ “society” influence you and push you into something you don’t even want. Don’t be so consumed by fitting in and having things done by a certain age that you end up living in misery. The next time someone asks you why you aren’t doing something according to society’s standards simply let them know, “I don’t have to.”
You really don’t have to be anything other than who you want to be. Food for thought. Be easy.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Tierra Allen
Instead of cussing out the person on the other end of the conversation, I just calmly say this, “No…I’m just not a conformist.” Why don’t I date? Cause I don’t have to. Why don’t I have kids, why am I not married, why don’t I work a traditional 9-5? Again, because I don’t have to. I choose not to conform. I choose to determine which side of the statistics I’m on.
99% of the population doesn’t even understand what it means to be in relationship so why would I waste my time? I’m not trying to add to the 72% of Black women raising children by themselves so why would I have children, and why would I do it outside of marriage? That makes no sense. My motto is, “If it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t work.” I’m a realist. Beyond that, I understand how to handle things that are within my control.
While we can’t control everything, we should at least do a good job controlling what we can. I didn’t create time, but I can control what I do with mine. I didn’t create the single-parent epidemic but I can choose not to become a part of it. I’m not the force behind 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce, but I can control whether I opt into that mess. This isn’t a forum I’m using to toot my own horn, it’s a wakeup call for you. You have the same control.
Much of where you find yourself in life is a direct result of the actions you’ve taken (or refused to take). Don’t let people/ “society” influence you and push you into something you don’t even want. Don’t be so consumed by fitting in and having things done by a certain age that you end up living in misery. The next time someone asks you why you aren’t doing something according to society’s standards simply let them know, “I don’t have to.”
You really don’t have to be anything other than who you want to be. Food for thought. Be easy.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Tierra Allen
Author Tierra Allen before book signing, OKC
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