I don’t understand why people go through so much for someone who is not their mate. There’s no reason you should be co-signing for cars, apartments and sharing a bank account if this person is not your spouse. It’s counter-productive. It makes no sense to do all of this as if you’ve reached the ultimate goal—marriage—when you haven’t.
Ladies, if he’s cheated and he’s NOT your husband…leave. You’re not going to forgive him, trust will not be regained, and it will tarnish the rest of your relationship. So you end up going through mess for what? Your boyfriend? That’s not a real commitment. If y’all decide to break up tomorrow, there won’t be any splitting of property. You’re going to walk away with the bedroom suit you bought and he’ll walk out with his “J’s,” tv, and video games.
Many men believe they will do better when they get married. They’ll cheat on their “girlfriends” but not their “wives.” Think I’m lying? Ask one. The problem with this fallacy is that it doesn’t take into account that “practice makes perfect.” Lebron can’t miss every free throw in practice, but say, “I’ll wait ‘til I get in the game to make them.” Additionally, these same monogamously-impaired men don’t want to commit; aren’t ready for marriage. So, you stick it out with him and his cheating ways and when he gets serious about being ready to commit, you may not be who he decides to do that with. This isn’t to say that married women don’t get cheated on, because they do, it’s just a question to your motivation. What does it benefit you to stay in a troubled relationship when you may not even make the final cut?
There has to be a distinct delineation between desperation and standards. As it stands right now, the two are archenemies. Desperate people don’t have standards; people with standards don’t act out of desperation. If you wonder why your relationship still sucks although you’re giving your all: you cook, clean, sex, buy him stuff, help with the kids, pay his car note, hang out with his family, all to no avail, it’s because he’s not your husband. Men and women take marriage seriously, hence the reason it takes so long and requires such contemplation before most people choose to commit to it.
You don’t have to read Steve Harvey’s book to know that if you’ve been with a guy at or over five years and y’all aren’t married you probably won’t be. Sounds harsh, but it’s true. Money—or the lack thereof—is not a good excuse, if it were, he’d be single. Going to school is not a good excuse, if it were…he’d be single. How can a man live with you or commit to be in a relationship with you still needing to perfect his career and needing more money but can’t commit to marriage because of those same reasons? That’s game.
If you’re trying to be more than a dysfunctional couple, get some standards; get on the same page. Where is this going? What do both of you want? How soon? What needs to be done to make that happen? If you can’t see eye-to-eye on these, stop wasting your time. Going through things doesn’t make your non-marital relationship stronger; it just means you’ve been through a lot of ***
Establish some boundaries and live by them. If he can’t or won’t commit, he’s not the one. Quit giving your boyfriend husband benefits.
Good luck and God speed.
♥♥♥ Live, love, laugh! ♥♥♥
This was so profound to me that I don't feel the need to add anything to it.
♥♥♥ Enjoy! ♥♥♥
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
(1 Corinthians 13, The Message Version)
Lately, it seems that there’s a growing trend of downward-spiraling relationships. Whether it’s the dead-end relationship that doesn’t grow; you know, the couple that’s been together forever; the woman waiting on a proposal, the guy not quite ready to commit “long-term,” or the men or women who feel that they don’t need anyone (not just a mate, but anyone; they don’t need friends, they don’t need family; they are a one-man army) the face of relationships is not looking good. Relationships at their very essence are losing meaning. They’ve become dispensable. Unimportant. Entrepreneurs sacrifice them for work; women, for money; and men, for sex.
Dating-shows replete with a plethora of women competing to have “real love” have replaced the “chase.” Shows such as "Football Wives," "Basketball Wives" and "Real Housewives of Atlanta"—as entertaining as they may be—have made true friendship, even familial functionality look obsolete. The question is often posed, “Does art imitate life?” or vice versa; as an artist, I believe it’s the former. Readers want grimy, realistic fiction; they are repulsed by fantasy, things that couldn’t/don’t normally happen in real life. What this means is that although these shows are over-the-top, they have become a common reality.
Like most things, I think what relationships need is balance. We have to find common ground between being used and being too closed off; being too giving and operating fearful relationships; independence and co-dependency. I don’t believe in the concept of “needing” someone to have a full life. This stipulation would mean that whenever that person left, so would one’s happiness. I do, however, believe that relationship—healthy relationships, specifically—are important and necessary. The thing we often forsake is the thing we need most. Life, in its true essence, is relational. Money alone won’t make you happy; fame can be lonely, but good company, good people, a solid team and a firm foundation make the difference.
The better alternative than cutting people out of your life, or being so desperate not to be alone that you accept anyone and anything is to find and cherish the people in your life who are genuinely good to you, with whom you grow and become a better person.
Don’t give up on relationships, just change the way you do them…
7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
“and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecc: 4: 7-12 NIV)
Live. Love. Laugh!
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]
Nothing about love is “commercial.” Instead of worrying about what gifts you will get or about not having a “Valentine,” focus on the command from the Lord [Love God, love yourself, love your neighbor]. If you need assistance with understanding what “love” means, take a look at the coordinating blog, Love, As Real as it Gets. Also, food for thought, instead of worrying about who isn’t around and who doesn’t love you, take a little time to appreciate those people who have been in your life and who have loved you for who you are. See the bigger picture. I also admonish those of you who are parents to show your kids what love is all about.
Remember, it’s always a good time to love.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!